Outpacing Anxiety: A Runner’s Origin Story
Photos: Reese Bland
by Kimberly Kirby
“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.” ~Jodi Picoult
Running was one of the first activities that made me extremely anxious. As a cadet in college, I was a terrible runner. I would become afraid out of the blue and pass out due to shortness of breath. Those who knew me then saw me as ‘the girl who passed out running all the time’. This was partially due to me being out of shape. However, my mental health played a huge part in what I was experiencing as well.
Later, I found out I’d basically been battling panic disorder and had no idea. This would impact me whenever I tried new things, including running.
Since I’m a very determined person, I never let challenges with running (or anything else) stop me from what I wanted to do. I continued running with friends in college and later grew to love running after living in Massachusetts.
Photo: Reese Bland
I found serenity practicing my mile runs at Castle Island, a peninsula on the shore of Boston Harbor where families often frequented a local playground. No matter how brutal New England’s weather would get, I always managed to practice my mile at Castle Island. It was during this chapter in my life that I knew running was meant for me. I just needed to find my “running home” and dig deeper within myself to get through a mile without passing out.
Turning Anxiety into Motivation
In 2011, I completed the Boston 5K during the Boston Marathon weekend. It felt amazing to know that I crossed the same finish line as the marathon finishers and it ignited my passion to keep running. Throughout life’s many changes, running became my constant--the thing that calmed me down. The same activity that had once made me so anxious in college became my go-to to get rid of anxiety and fear.
Now, whenever I feel like my mood is a bit off, I push myself to get outside to run. Battling all of the things that anxiety brings is overwhelming, but running--and particularly running outside--has been a huge support for my mental health. On an average day without running, I can battle anxious or depressed moods throughout the entire day. On a day with running, though, I feel happy and calm for days afterward. It’s pretty amazing.
When I run alone, I’m reminded of the things that I take for granted. Strong bones, fresh air, and beautiful scenery. I’m able to completely escape my beloved to-do list and just be free. When I run with friends, it is even more rewarding, because I’m challenged to become a faster runner and to share my passion with others who love it just as much. Folks can always tell if I’ve skipped out on my runs just by my mood!
The Way Through
Photo: Reese Bland
I now have eight official races under my belt (those with medals) and there’s much more to come. I was all set to run my second half marathon in March, the Rock’n’Roll D.C. Half Marathon, when the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Like many runners experiencing canceled races this season, I was devastated, and not only for myself. This was the first time I’d committed to running a race for a cause, to benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital.
I used to be terrified of the idea of fundraising—What if I’m not able to raise the money? But the commitment turned out to be a great motivator for me and I was able to meet my goal. And even though the race has been postponed, the money I raised will still go to St. Jude’s. Yet again, slashing fears through my running journey.
Fortunately, the race has been rescheduled for this fall, so I will hopefully be able to continue my efforts and knock out my running goals once we’re all able to get back out there and race.
I’m ready to write the next chapter of my story after I survive the challenges of this year as I reflect on that girl in college who couldn’t run a mile and smile at the woman that she is today. As I face the marathon stress of this crazy year so far and what lies ahead, I know that running is what will take me through it.
Follow Kimberly’s running and fitness journey on Instagram.
Kimberly Kirby
Contributor
Originally from Upper Marlboro, Maryland, Kimberly is an active member of both the D.C.- and Baltimore-area fitness communities. When she's not running miles with a local running group, you'll find her taking boxing classes or at a boutique HIIT studio. When she's not in dri-fit, she's pushing her own practice as a leader in the realm of education in our Nation's Capital. Kimberly plans to start her own business to support “the well athlete” in the future and hopes to inspire others as she works very had to inspire herself each day.